At the Boulder Creek Festival

Flying down the Super Slide



Climbing the rock wall. We promised her that if she reached the top she'd get....



Ice Cream...only the 2nd scoop of her lifetime

Boulder Love

Shane and Sage hiking Mesa Trail


Whenever we pull up to Chautauqua Park my heart stops for a second...it's that beautiful.

And when we hike Mesa Trail the world is so still you hear the wind moving through the trees....and nothing else.

Storm clouds and lightning rolling across the open plains are breathtaking.

The pinks and purples and yellows of sunsets here are so bold you can hardly tear your eyes away.

I think we'll never leave.

Listen Up

Suhweet.

Advice From a Cleaning Lady

Room 834


We could also call this post Back From the Dead (I'm only half joking). I'll get to the cleaning lady later.

We just returned home from the hospital yesterday. Micah spent 10 days there.

Two Tuesdays ago he had had watery diarrhea and vomiting for 2 days. He was doing so badly, he'd lost so much weight and was so miserable and his skin so awful that we decided to take him to the emergency room here in Boulder.

The ER doc said, "No biggie" and sent us on to our GP who said, "I have no idea what to do for him," and sent us on to another doc who said, "I can't help but try this doc." Finally we ended up on the phone with a pediatrician. The ped said, "Let's see him in the morning," and I said "I don't think we should wait." Happily, the pediatrician agreed that I should go with my gut and take him ASAP. We would have taken him no matter what the ped said but it's nice to have a little affirmation.

Around 7:45 PM that night Shane and I were in the ER of Denver Children's Hospital. After almost 5 hours of waiting and talking intermittently with a doc and starting a glucose IV, Micah was admitted. He and I spent the wee hours of the morning talking to the docs on the 8th floor and then finally around sunrise fell asleep.

Each day was filled with doctor's visits, blood tests, IV's and nurses checking vitals (blood pressure, temp, pulse). Micah even had a small surgery. Because he was so dehydrated they couldn't keep an IV in so they put him under anesthesia and inserted a catheter, that ran from his arm to his heart. The PIC line (catheter) was a huge blessing because it allowed them to easily draw blood (twice a day) and give him IV fluids and supplements (like albumin). He also had an NG tube (feeding tube) for 5 days. ANother huge blessing that allowed him to be fed and given supplements easily.

In a nutshell here is what went wrong: Micah is extremely allergic to milk which we suspected since his eczema began soon after we started supplementing with formula. When kids are so allergic their colons get irritated (acute colitis) and stop absorbing protein. Lack of protein was the cause of Micah's weight loss, his extreme lethargy and irritability. His electrolyte levels were all low (scary because that can quickly cause problems) as well his zinc levels and Vitamin D. Bad news all around there.

We spent 10 days in the hospital getting his electrolytes back to normal. He stopped the donor milk (and my milk) he was drinking and started on a hypoallergenic formula; doing that allowed his skin to heal quite a bit. He looks so much better but there's still a ways to go. I don't particularly like the formula (causes lots of problems: constipation, diaper rash, a new rash on top of eczema) but it's helping him until we can switch him onto solids. He gained two pounds while we were there and returned to the happy, sweet Micah we haven't seen in a very long time.

The weeks leading up to his admission were pure agony. I cried every day, many times a day. I prayed constantly for wisdom to know how to help him. I was awful and mean and on edge (just ask Sage and Shane). But as soon as we stepped into the hospital the tears stopped and I felt a calm and peace that I haven't felt in many months.

This was a very hard time but as always there were glorious moments.

• Holding Micah in my arms and watching the sun spread across the sky early one morning.
  

• Watching him improve before my eyes and start playing and laughing again. It is pure joy hearing him giggle and chatter.
  

• Realizing amidst all the sadness of a Children's Hospital that eczema really isn't so bad. There are so many other parents and children who suffer through far more terrible things. I met a mom whose 20-month-old son is on his third round of chemo. Another dad has an 18-month-old who has had a 6 month stay due to heart problems. And there were many others.

One night one of the staff housekeeping came to empty our trash. She asked a few questions about Micah's condition, admonished me to pray and shared some wisdom:

"Prayer and medicine work together."

Truer words were never spoken.

Overheard

Sage to friends at park:

"My baby brother has eczema. That means he's really sad and my parents are really tired."

Yep...that about sums it up.


P.S. Micah wears satin gloves on his hands and legs that way he can't do as much damage when he scratches

God is watching over all.

I haven't felt much like blogging lately. I like to sleep in my spare time these days but I ought to put a few things down so I don't forget.

Sage, Micah and I spent 5 weeks in Virginia with my family. We went in part to try a new treatment for Micah and in bigger part to be taken care of. It was wonderful to be loved and fed fabulous food and have the chance to nap any time I wanted to and to know that Sage and Micah were well taken care of. One night my parents took Micah all night so I could sleep, my first full night of rest since his birth. I feel so grateful to have such loving parents and siblings. Those weeks were rejuvenating and I felt ready to return home, knowing it would be hard but feeling ready for the challenge.

Thanks to mom's gift giving proclivity we left VA with much more than we came with. This meant that in addition to checking luggage we had to carry on a small suitcase, stroller, cooler (full of milk for M.), Sage's backpack and a purse. When I arrived at the airport I wondered how this day would go. I anticipated that it might be Hades. But....Sage was an angel, cheerful and thrilled to be traveling (ok ok she's almost always cheerful but still...). She either pushed the stroller (heavy laden with the cooler and my purse, her backpack) or pulled the little suitcase all through the airport and onto the plane. All along the way people offered help carrying things. When we got on the plane we randomly chose a seat by a nice looking middle-aged lady...hands down the best decision I've made in a long time. Turns out Terry is a 2nd grade teacher and a mom. Perfect. I warned her that there might be crying, she smiled and said she understood.

Little did she know.

Sage was happy and Micah fussed a little here and there. Pretty soon Micah had a blowout (of the poopy variety). I left a sleeping Sage with Terry and headed to the bathroom. No extra pants so those poopy pants went right back on Micah...poor kid. I returned and Terry told me that Sage woke up, cried a little and went back to sleep...phew!

Halfway through the flight I heard a cough coming from Sage. You know that cough mamas....the dreaded puking cough. I freeze and move like a turtle when crisis comes but thankfully my seatmate was on the ball and had her vomit bag open and handed it to me. I handed Terry a crying, squirming Micah and I managed to get the bag to Sage and Sage took the rest on her clothes. A few wipes, a fresh sweatshirt, a little drink and Sage was good as new.

We settled back into our seats. Pretty soon came Round 2 of puking. Then Round 3. each time Terry held a very unhappy Micah while I cleaned Sage up. What an angel! As we were getting ready to deplane Sage threw up one last time.

The point of this story?

Heavenly Father sent some tender mercies my way...I felt cool as cucumber the whole day in spite of our challenges. He sent kind people to help me make it through the day. One lady I talked to as we waited for our plane to arrive promised to pray for Micah by name. There is so much good in the world and so many kind people.

Every night I sing this little song to Micah:

God has numbered in the sky
All the stars that shine on high
worlds so great and sparrows small,
God is watching over all.

I know he is watching over my little family.

Lessons

Micah has eczema.

It began 6 weeks ago. A full blown red, itchy rash covering his body from head to toe. His face is usually weepy, sometimes bloody. There is nothing that stops your heart quite like finding your baby surrounded by blood soaked sheets.

He sleeps fitfully all night and only for an hour or two at a time. He prefers the comfort of our arms to his bed. He does nap for short stretches during the day.

There are nights when I am so tired walking the floor with Micah that I'm ready to fall asleep on my feet. Those nights I wake Shane and have him take over. Many mornings I wonder if I've run a marathon in my sleep because my body is so very sore. Is it the walking or holding for hours on end?

There have been visits to various doctors. We have a drawer full of lotions and potions that don't work. Nothing has seemed to help....yet.

These past weeks many emotions have been swirling around inside...frustration, disappointment, embarrassment, anger, sadness, confusion. Some days I want to run away. I've cried a river of tears, petitioned heaven constantly and...I've grown.

I was asked to give a talk this past Sunday. Choose your own topic, the Bishopric member said. So I chose what's on my mind...trials. I've read my talk often since then to remind myself of what I know to be true.

Sometimes I've felt guilty for my feelings. How can I be frustrated by what is happening to my baby? At least I have a baby, at least he's not dying, at least I know that this is temporary.

In the grand scheme of my life this trial is very small. That's what logic tells me but still that doesn't lessen how difficult it feels at times. I often think of what Victor Frankl wrote in Man's Search For Meaning:

"...a man's suffering is similar to the behavior of gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber. Thus suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore the 'size' of human suffering is absolutely relative."

But there are always blessings...always.

1. As Robert Frost said, "The best way out is always through." Shane and I have to go through this. It will make us stronger, more empathetic, more patient....we will be better because of it.

2. Shane gave Micah a blessing and told him that eczema is a blessing to our family because we get the chance to see his true character...patient and sweet. Micah is still as happy as can be during the day despite his lack of sleep and his discomfort.

3. I love our little man more now than I did when he was perfectly healthy.

4. I've gained a new appreciation for Shane. I take weekday nights and he takes weekends so I can rest. He always manages to be kind and cheerful at 5:30 each morning when I wake him up to take over so I can lay down and rest for a couple of hours.

5. I can see many tender mercies in our life. Like one day Sage and I needed to make Valentine's for her class at school. Micah chose that afternoon to nap for 3 hours...first time ever. As we finished the last Valentine we heard our little man crying...perfect timing.

5. I appreciate the Savior more. "The Son of Man hath descended below all things. Art thou greater than he?" How comforting it is to know that He has already felt what I am feeling. When no one else understands He does.

A friend once told me that when hard times come remember what the scriptures say, "And it came to pass." Nothing ever comes to stay. This will pass and someday we will look back and maybe even smile when we think about this time in our lives.